Hamburger Helper

Hamburger Helper is a literal fucking glove. He has a face for some reason and has a tongue also for some reason. Seriously what is your anatomy my dude.

Backstory
Hamburger Helper lived in Poland in his early years but when his brother Cheesus Christ became addicted to ketamine, he abandoned him and moved to Cuba. After hearing of his brother's death in September of 1939, he tried to become a ruthless dictator and after many failures, he became the leader of Cuba. He caused the Cuban Missile Crisis for vengeance even though it wasn't even targeted at the Nazis who killed his brother. Alright I've run out of jokes for this section.

Personality
Hamburger Helper is the proud leader of the Ku Klux Klan. He is extremely racist, fascist, sexist, and homophobic. He swears a lot and sends death threats to children over Fortnite which he plays constantly even though the game is fucking dead. Hamburger Helper has killed 500,000 people and has farted 419,068 times in his entire lifetime. Hamburger Helper is really proud of his farts.

Trivia

 * Hamburger Helper's farts smell like burritos.
 * Hamburger Helper does not like women very much.
 * He also isn't a fan of black people.
 * Hamburger Helper has a cameo in the SpongeBob episode Squidward's Sick Daze.
 * I hate Thanksgiving.
 * Hamburger Helper's favorite song is Gangnam Style.
 * The US Government plotted to assassinate Hamburger Helper in the 1960s.